A Beginner's Mind

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got."

-Henry Ford

I had a student at the university ask me recently how you find your purpose in life. (I get an insane amount of questions like this from my students, so anyone who thinks Gen Z are all technology and no heart, trust me... all is not lost!) She had recently been spending time with graduates who are literally changing their part of the world in the areas of Social Work and Occupational Therapy, specifically working in urban, underprivileged areas. She was amazed that they seemed to have it all figured out and were doing so much to help others so passionately. Little does she know those very students sat in my office asking similar questions just a few years ago. And let's be real, none of us have it figured out. At least I don't, but she apparently thinks I'm very wise so I felt obligated to give her my two cents, for it's worth.

Since I was about to head to the Child Psychopathology class I've been teaching for almost ten years, my mind went to a TedX Talk I show on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It's definitely not what the students expect after we've gone over the clinical diagnosis of ADHD, the types, specifiers, and causes and theories around the disorder. ADHD As A Difference In Cognition, Not A Disorder: Stephen Tonti is not only a great example of the positive aspects of the disorder, but also a great example of what we all could be doing to find our path. Stephen, a student at Carnegie Mellon at the time the video was recorded, talks about all the different activities, hobbies, and extracurricular activities he's tried over the years in his pursuit of finding what he loved, ultimately settling on a degree in Theater. He felt very prepared for taking on different roles in Theater because he's personally experienced such a variety of activities. I used this example with my student to point out that so many of us decide from early on in our life what we are going to "do" based on the small circle we are surrounded with, and then we invest all of our time and energy and feel as though there is no alternative. I mean, we can't throw away all that hard work, can we? It'd be such a waste of time and money, right? Or is it a waste of life to stay in something that we only feel lukewarm about?

We praise individuals who stay in the same job for 30 years because they show commitment and loyalty to the position. Some employees might stay because they truly love what they are doing or they are able to find a way to reinvent themselves and their passion every few years, but I truly believe there are some who stay simply because it's easier than "starting over."

I will always remember the first few yoga classes I took. My wrists hurt, my downward facing dog looked more like a plank with my butt in the air, and I had trouble lifting my arms above my head in low crescent lunge because my balance was so poor (true story!). It was so HARD and my negative self talk was so LOUD. But at some point during each practice, even just for a few breaths, I felt some type of success. I embraced being a beginner. I wasn't supposed to be good at yoga. I had wandered into the yoga studio at my gym after a spin class looking for a cute boy and a good stretch. I had never done dance, gymnastics, or cheerleading and I wasn't super lean or flexible. But the fact that I knew that I wasn't supposed to be good at yoga made those little successes that much sweeter. So I kept going back (and not for the cute boy, as I quickly learned that I wasn't Sean's type, but his husband Bill certainly is). The older we get and more set in our ways we are, the less likely we are to try something new. The shame of failure is so strong it keeps up from trying.

Think of something that you really enjoy that you've improved at significantly over time. Maybe it's cooking, or a specific sport or exercise, or another skill that's become a favorite hobby. It might be hard to remember when you were first learning this skill or how bad you were at it in the beginning (my family reminds me constantly of my baking mishaps as a teenager), but very few people can hit a jump shot on their first try. Michael Jordan was actually cut from his high school basketball team! Even with all that natural talent, you still have to put in the work! As we get older, there's so much more shame involved in not being great at something immediately. It's not that we aren't capable of learning as we get older (contrary to popular belief, you CAN teach an old dog new tricks!), it's that we are afraid to fail in front of others.

The first time an instructor showed me astavakrasana or eight-angle pose, I thought it looked cool, but was definitely something I couldn't do. He encouraged me to try (in front of a class full of other yoga students), and when I argued that he'd barely even explained how to do the pose, he countered with that if I tried what he had showed me, he'd be able to give me feedback on how to improve the pose. "What's the worse that could happen?" he asked. I gave it a shot and was actually able to lift myself off the ground an inch or two for a second, which was shocking and unexpected to me, and from there he provided more guidance as how to improve the pose. But that little success stayed with me and motivated me to keep trying.

Whether you are at a crossroads in your life, feeling stagnant, or looking for a new purpose... you can never go wrong with trying something new. And sucking at it. And then trying again and again. And then trying something else! Because it never actually about the end result, but the practice... the journey... the lessons... and the people you meet along the way.