Let That Shit Go

I once took a class with a well known yoga teacher, Seane Corn, at a benefit she was doing for an animal sanctuary. It wasn't a physically demanding class but the room was packed, it was summertime and hot outside and inside, and my anxiety was at it's peak from the moment I stepped into the room. Seane moved us through basic yoga postures, often holding us in the postures longer than I'd ever had a teacher cue before. Slow doesn't mean easy and I could feel the sweat beginning to form on my forehead as she moved us into Tree Pose or Vrikshasana. I stood proud and tall in my Tree as she went over every alignment cue I'd ever heard about the pose and moved into the symbolism of tree and how to use our breath in the pose. As my ankle begin to ache and my focus started to drift she commented on how long we'd been in the pose and stated, "how you do yoga is how you do life." I started taking a mental note to remember that for my own classes and she explained further. Some of us had fallen out of the pose but gotten back into it, others had fallen and chosen to stand in Mountain Pose or Tadasana, while some were looking around the room to see what their peers had chosen to do... and then there were students like me, fighting like hell to not fall out of the pose no matter how much it hurt. I felt so exposed as the sweat dripped down my face.

"How you do yoga is how you do life." I was fighting like hell to stay in the pose and would rather have my ankle break than fall out it in that moment. But why? The easy answer would be "ego," but I knew there was more to it than that.

My mom and I were recently having a conversation about how often we appear as though everything is okay, fights are forgiven, problems were solved and we moved on... but that we really don't. My life's mantra is "let it be," which I have become quite good at. But "let it go" is a whole other story. Because it's always there, right? All of the "what ifs" or "should ofs" or "how abouts"... I'm notorious for over analyzing a situation BEFORE IT EVEN HAPPENS! If I need to have a tough conversation with someone, I'll play out the conversation in my head, including all of their responses, what my responses would be to their responses, and then their responses to my responses of their responses... you get it, right? So that if I can see what every possible end result could be, I have the ability to move the conversation into a positive direction. I've actually given that exact piece of advice to others before: "What do you want the end result to be?" and encouraged them to think of that when emotions are high and hurtful words start to occur. This might seem like a good strategy, but in the end you are really hurting yourself, because you aren't being truthful about what your needs are. Ouch, that stings, right?

So here I am in tree pose, thinking about everything I can possibly do to have the end result of not falling out of the pose: shift the weight back and forth in my foot, spread my toes wider, add a little more of a bend into my standing leg, modify my arm variation, exhale through my mouth... even if it meant hurting myself. Or I could just simply let it go and move on. Yoga instructors are constantly encouraging students to use their breath to let go of what is no longer serving them. But it's obviously not that simple. It takes practice, even for me.

We fight to hold onto poses that are painful or not meant for us, and the same happens in life. But it's not selfish to listen to your body and your heart and put yourself first.

So let that shit go.