"Om Mani Padme Hum"

Doing February's blog post on atma prema, or "unconditional love of self," seemed like a given with Valentine's Day and all, but when I actually sit down to write it, I can't help but find the irony of the lack of self love I've been feeling this month. The saying, "helpers are the worst at asking for help," comes to mind, but it doesn't sit right with me that that's just the way it will always be. This academic year (I work in higher education full-time) I have been extremely intentional with my time. I've taken what I thought were obligations off my plate as I came to the realization that they were only obligations in my mind and have focused my energy on relationships and activities I truly enjoy. And yet, here I am in February, in the process of recovering from another cold due to exhaustion and not asking for help when I can't handle the load. It wasn't until 11:00PM on Thursday night of last week when I finally checked-in with myself and concluded that I had taken too much on, but at that point my immune system had dropped and I was at the mercy of a cold being passed from my boyfriend to myself. This of course could've been prevented if I just remembered to check-in sooner. When was the last time you checked-in with yourself? And what does your check-in look like?

Here are three questions I ask myself when I need to check-in:

1- "How am I feeling physically?" At the beginning of each yoga class I teach, I have students perform a body scan starting at the top of the head and moving down each and every part of their body; just getting an idea of what feels tight, tense, or even painful. You may also become aware of levels of fatigue or hunger during this scan.

2- "How am I feeling emotionally?" A lot of what you notice in your physical body scan is a manifestation of how you are feeling emotionally. Soreness in your shoulders. An uneasy stomach. Tightness in the hips. It's all connected! Don't dwell too long on why you are feeling the way you are feeling, just simply begin with an awareness.

3- "How am I connecting to others and myself lately?" What does connection look like to you and how much do you need? Everyone is different based on their social style. Just because you have spent a lot of time with large groups of wonderfully rambunctious and fun-loving friends lately doesn't mean you feel connected. In fact, that type of connection is actually very overwhelming and draining for me and usually has to be balanced with a Netflix binge with my dogs soon after!

Reflecting on my answers to these three questions then sets the stage for updating my self care plan. Self care isn't always warm and fuzzy. It isn't just writing cute post-its and sticking them on your mirror to remind you that you are gorgeous. It's not just bath bombs and face masks on a Friday night or a glass of wine "because I deserve this."

Self care is freakin' work! It's setting boundaries and saying "no" without feeling as though you have to explain yourself. It's using your energy wisely and spending time with people who deserve your time, not out of feelings of obligation or routine. It's finding some type of movement or exercise every day, even if it's just a walk with the dogs or a 30 minute Detox Twisting Flow on Quest On Demand! It's finding balance in your nutrition: green smoothie in the morning- great! A slice of pizza at lunch- no problem! An entire pizza at dinner- hold on there! And it's recognizing that rest is just as important to your health as fitness and nutrition.

This month I had the opportunity to step out of my usual class schedule and witnessed two unique classes who truly invested time in their atma prema. The first was a new class I started for the Ruth Matthews Bourger Women With Children Program at Misericordia University. Twice a month a group of Misericordia students volunteer to babysit for the 20 single mothers who have taken the opportunity to go back to school to improve their situation through this amazing program. I would personally use my two hour break for a nap, but these beautiful women came bounding into my new class with so much energy and enthusiasm and dedicated an hour to themselves. Many of them were brand new to yoga or haven't done it in years, but they stepped out of their comfort zones and through lots of laughter and awkward movement, they practiced yoga. And in the final minutes of their practice they found peace.

The second class that stood out to me was a special Self Love Rest and Restore class at Quest Studio on Sunday morning. Some students who showed up to class were returners from my first restorative class in January, but the majority were new to restorative yoga and soon learned why many believe restorative is an advanced practice. "To calm the mind you must first calm the body." Research has shown that a full restorative class (typically 2 hours) is equal to 8 hours of peaceful sleep. The challenge is to get to a place where you are comfortable enough to rest in a room full of strangers (what I call "group nap time") at 10:00AM with a million thoughts running through your head. Even though I know some students struggled with this type of class, I applaud them for showing up and dedicating an hour to themselves. I love when students recognize the importance of rest, even if it can be extremely difficult and doesn't create cute Instagram posts like advanced yoga poses or green smoothie boomerangs.

The more time I spend on this blog post, the more I am aware that it has moved from a post about self love to a post about self care and all the hard work that it takes to get to atma prema. I feel that atma prema is an ongoing process as there are so many environmental factors telling us all the things that are wrong with our bodies, personalities, feeding into our insecurities, breaking our hearts, and in general just tearing us down. There are also wonderful human beings (and dogs!) that remind us that we are loved and worthy of that love. For me, atma prema is when you are able to get to the point where you don't need those reminders from others and you truly have that unconditional love of self all on your own.

Om mani padme hum... "find the jewel of compassion that lives in your own heart."