The Greatest Teacher

As we move into our third month of quarantine here in Northeastern Pennsylvania, online fitness classes have become the norm for local gyms and studios. Whether it be to maintain relationships with their students and offer a much needed physical and mental outlet for those struggling to maintain balance in the midst of chaos, or as a way to make ends meet to be able to pay their bills and keep their businesses even just partially open, Zoom, YouTube, and Facebook have been how we are living our best fitness lives.

I've seen many of my favorite local teachers decide to stop teaching virtually due to sadness of the empty studio they are teaching in or lack of connection to their students on the other side of the screen. My own frustration as a teacher has come from my lack of ability to create the environment I long to provide for my students during their practice. As a student, I feel distance between myself and my teacher and classmates while I practice, no matter their teaching ability or effort. Yoga just feels very different these days.

I had been practicing yoga for almost eight years before I decided to pursue a teacher training certificate. I have called a variety of studios and gyms "home" throughout the years and had my favorite teachers that I followed when studios closed, moved, or changed ownership, as they often do. In the midst of my yoga practice, I also found resistance training, aerobics, Zumba, spin classes, Crossfit, obstacle course racing, military style endurance events, and even dabbled in marathons. With each new fitness endeavor I had new teachers and mentors to guide me on my journey. I even worked with a few personal trainers virtually who developed workout and nutrition programs specific to my goals. I don't really believe at any point I was unhealthy during my journey, but I definitely had some friends who would've considered me a bit obsessive. While jumping from activity to activity, I developed a competitiveness that I had never had before. I played sports as a child and had a true love for the game, whether it be volleyball or softball... and some brief experiences with field hockey and basketball. I was rarely competitive with my teammates, friends, or siblings. I simply enjoyed growing stronger, learning new skills, and gaining a deeper understanding of each sport.

While competitiveness drove me to push harder and lift heavier in Crossfit, it also f*cked with my head in yoga. Yoga had always been a place to focus on what my body was feeling. I would back off in a pose when necessary, or challenge myself if I was feeling open and able. I rarely looked beyond my own mat and preferred teachers who moved about the room telling stories and providing wisdom while cueing poses, rather than modeling poses from their own mat. My favorite class was a Sunday night candlelight class where the teacher encouraged us to not think about how well we could do a pose, but what the pose was doing for our bodies.

As my competitiveness moved from the gym to the studio, I found myself refusing to modify my vinyasa or skip a chaturanga when my shoulders were screaming. I'd force myself into a bind before my body was ready. I'd push myself up into a wheel pose when I'd notice my neighbor going for it... and crash onto my back in fatigue. I ultimately developed neck pain from straining to look around the room at what other students were doing, rather than focusing on my own practice, no matter how many times the instructor encouraged us to "make this practice your own." It was a blessing in disguise when my favorite studio closed and I couldn't get comfortable at other studios I tried. I pulled up Yoga With Adriene on YouTube and my home practice began.

I learned more in a year of my home practice than I had in 5 years in a studio, and not because Adriene Mishler is the best teacher on the planet. She's funny, down-to-earth, and easy to understand, which are all great qualities for an online instructor. Her free classes didn't have a high degree of difficulty, but being at home I was able to do what my instructors had been encouraging me to do in the studio, make my practice my own. I wasn't thinking about the cute outfit I was wearing and often practiced in my pajamas with messy hair in my living room. There was no fear of falling out of a pose and I often found myself moving to the kitchen to practice balancing postures as my carpet was extremely thick and uneven. I soon began recording myself practicing so I could review my alignment and improve. I became extremely comfortable posting my poses on social media (my early days of Instagram is all pictures of yoga poses and my dog, Charlie!) and completed social media challenges regularly where I deepened my practice safely. Some days I could bind in Side Angle while easily transitioning into Bird of Paradise and other days I spent 30 minutes in Viparita Karani, literally against the wall. I also began to understand sequencing and created my own practices with open versus closed hips and balancing the chakras from the root to the crown of my head. I eventually stopped using YouTube and took my practice to the sidewalk behind my house and began to film entire sequences rather than screenshotting poses. Some yoga teachers know within the first year of their practice that they want to teach. I didn't feel that calling until I developed my home practice. Listening to my body and "finding what feels good" as Adriene would say, helped me become a teacher for myself. It wasn't until I had the confidence to teach myself that I felt ready to pursue the path of teaching others.

Rehashing that journey is basically a long way of saying "YOU are your greatest teacher." Believe it or not, you can teach yourself! I thank my students at the end of each class for allowing me to be their "guide," which is exactly what I am. Your body is your teacher. You already know what you need. You just need to tap into it. I know I am looking forward to being back in the studio sooner rather than later, but I hope you are able to find a way to tap into something deeper in your practice during this unique time.

After taking a deep, lovely, slow flow class virtually with my friend Kris early on in the pandemic, I messaged her after to thank her. I said, "That was exactly what I needed!" to which she replied in all her wisdom, "You have all you need!"

The next time you begin to practice, workout, play, or even rest... know that what you need is already inside of you. You are your greatest teacher.